Non-Fiction: Prologue/Disclaimer

(Note: I actually began writing this planning to publish it as a book - I'll explain why later. Anyway, my friend suggested I should start putting it here... so here it is. Enjoy. :) )

I am socially handicapped. I don’t know a better way to explain it. I was raised by wonderful parents who love each other, in a healthy home. My mother was a stay-at-home mom who instilled in me a characteristic which the best training and greatest efforts have not been able to quash – I speak my mind. That may not seem like such a horrendous thing, until you realize just how quickly people can be offended by this habit. Now, mind you, this does not mean I go around spewing a string of profanities in every direction each time someone or something irritates me. No, it’s not vulgarity that offends (although I’ll admit that I still refuse to consider “jackass” to be profanity, as my mother swears to this day that she never “cussed” in front of me as a child, and I recall at least a dozen occasions upon which another driver cut her off, or took her parking spot to then be handed her favorite verbal rejoinder: “JACKASS!”)

It’s not that I’m unaware or uncompassionate about the feelings of others. I don’t ever seek to offend anyone directly (well, actually, I can think of a few folks in our state legislature that I’d like to offend directly right this minute – but I haven’t really followed through on those urges lately). The problem is that when someone asks my opinion, I find it utterly impossible to curb the urge to give it to them exactly as it is. And unfortunately, people in my life – coworkers, subordinates, etc. – begin to find a great deal of entertainment in pushing this button with me, just so they can giggle about it later. And of course, they then must giggle about what I said with someone else – usually my superiors… ahhh, life is hard.

Thus, today I decided to write a book. If people are going to be offended by my opinions, why not just offend them on a larger scale? Why not just put my thoughts right out there for the world to mull over. I don’t require anyone to read them, or to respond. But if you’re going to claim I said something, take the book with you. At least then you’ll get the quote right.

So… I’m socially handicapped. I offend people, and I can’t stop doing it. Is that worth writing a book about? No. Believe it or not, I’ve got some pretty positive opinions as well. But I want you to be forewarned, since I’m going to hit on some topics in this book which definitely bring out my horns (i.e. ex-husbands, child support, politicians, etc). I also want to state that many of the names of real people in this book have been changed to protect the anonymity of the guilty – or at least to help prevent me from getting sued.