So... yesterday I read a quote from Kathryn Heigl, who was reportedly raised in the LDS Church... (okay, she was raised by an LDS family, and I'm fairly sure they periodically took her to an LDS Church...let's not split hairs, 'kay?) Anyway... she said something about how she's being lazy about the church, and that she'd have to quit the smoking and the drinking if she were to go back to church. Hmmm...
I was really, really lucky. When I joined the Church, I had never smoked (still haven't, never will, yuck). I had already quit drinking (quit when I learned I was pregnant with my first child - technically 2 years before I was legally old enough to drink - my career as an alcoholic was pretty short-lived). And although I had learned to really like coffee if it had enough hazelnut or amaretto sauce in it, I had already figured out it was causing my migraines, so I'd pretty well quit that too. And, I was pretty much of a mind that drinking tea was like unto drinking syrup. The first sip wasn't too bad, but you just had to start gagging after that.
Point being - I didn't have to make too many big sacrifices to qualify as meeting up to the basic societal standards of the Word of Wisdom when I joined the Church.
But this is not to say I don't have a vice or two. Aside from an occasional chocolate binge, my latest kick is commonly known as "Saving Grace" - a t.v. show that is aired on TNT on Monday nights at 10/9 central starring Holly Hunter. Now, I know when it comes on because I happened to see a commercial for it yesterday. I actually watch it on my computer, by downloading the episodes off of iTunes. If you've ever seen the show, then you know why I have to do this. #1 - This show is NOT fit to be playing with wide-awake children around the house. Besides the fact that Detective Hanadarko is an absolutely horrible role-model who celebrates every vice she's got (and seems to have them all), there's also the ever-present possibility of a sudden and completely unnecessary bout of nudity. When I watch it on my computer, I can zip right through those embarrassing scenes the same way I sometimes do when I accept a romance novel on my mom's recommendation and it turns out to be a bit racier than I was anticipating. Except the computer has a fast-forward button, where with the book I just have to flip pages really fast. Anyway, you get the idea.
So I was watching an episode today and I just had to ask myself... what is it about this vile character that appeals to me so much?
Well, first off, I want to grow up to be the actress who plays the main character. Holy mackerel, that woman is RIPPED!! I mean, she has arms like a MAN - a BUFF man!!! Okay, I'm calm again. Serious
ly, how do women get like that? I think, in real life, her vice must be pumping iron, because her body is really amazing. I would LOVE to look (and be) that strong. Of course, I'd have to sell my kids to afford the years with a personal trainer and a personal chef that it would take to get there (not to mention the plastic surgeon). Oh - and let's make it worse. She's FIFTY years old!! I look like HER mother, and yet she's old enough to be MINE!! (We agreed not to split hairs, remember?!?!)
Okay... back on track. What is it about this heavy drinking, heavy smoking, over-sexed, frequently cursing character that appeals to me? Here's my theory. She is bad. She is really, really bad. She has an angel that follows her around, and when he makes her mad, it's not unusual for her to decide to fling Froot Loops at him with a spoon, or wrestle him, or cuss him out, or whatever. The dude is sent from GOD, and yet she has no issues with telling him where to stuff it!! That's bad!!
Conversely, I am very, very good. I do not drink, or smoke, or curse (often... does "dangit" or "fart" count?) or have sex with men in bar bathroom stalls while people get murdered 3 feet away. My house is immaculate (compared to hers at least). I go to church and read my scriptures and pray and pay my taxes and try to act like a responsible person (90% of the time).
So that's it... I like her because she is so bad that she makes me look like a saint!! My vices - chocolate, and a little too much inappropriate t.v. - are nothing in comparison to this woman who has her own personal angel assigned to follow her around!
That... and I really want to grow up to look like that. Well...grow down, I guess. (I think she's about 5'2".)
I was really, really lucky. When I joined the Church, I had never smoked (still haven't, never will, yuck). I had already quit drinking (quit when I learned I was pregnant with my first child - technically 2 years before I was legally old enough to drink - my career as an alcoholic was pretty short-lived). And although I had learned to really like coffee if it had enough hazelnut or amaretto sauce in it, I had already figured out it was causing my migraines, so I'd pretty well quit that too. And, I was pretty much of a mind that drinking tea was like unto drinking syrup. The first sip wasn't too bad, but you just had to start gagging after that.
Point being - I didn't have to make too many big sacrifices to qualify as meeting up to the basic societal standards of the Word of Wisdom when I joined the Church.
But this is not to say I don't have a vice or two. Aside from an occasional chocolate binge, my latest kick is commonly known as "Saving Grace" - a t.v. show that is aired on TNT on Monday nights at 10/9 central starring Holly Hunter. Now, I know when it comes on because I happened to see a commercial for it yesterday. I actually watch it on my computer, by downloading the episodes off of iTunes. If you've ever seen the show, then you know why I have to do this. #1 - This show is NOT fit to be playing with wide-awake children around the house. Besides the fact that Detective Hanadarko is an absolutely horrible role-model who celebrates every vice she's got (and seems to have them all), there's also the ever-present possibility of a sudden and completely unnecessary bout of nudity. When I watch it on my computer, I can zip right through those embarrassing scenes the same way I sometimes do when I accept a romance novel on my mom's recommendation and it turns out to be a bit racier than I was anticipating. Except the computer has a fast-forward button, where with the book I just have to flip pages really fast. Anyway, you get the idea.
So I was watching an episode today and I just had to ask myself... what is it about this vile character that appeals to me so much?
Well, first off, I want to grow up to be the actress who plays the main character. Holy mackerel, that woman is RIPPED!! I mean, she has arms like a MAN - a BUFF man!!! Okay, I'm calm again. Serious
ly, how do women get like that? I think, in real life, her vice must be pumping iron, because her body is really amazing. I would LOVE to look (and be) that strong. Of course, I'd have to sell my kids to afford the years with a personal trainer and a personal chef that it would take to get there (not to mention the plastic surgeon). Oh - and let's make it worse. She's FIFTY years old!! I look like HER mother, and yet she's old enough to be MINE!! (We agreed not to split hairs, remember?!?!)Okay... back on track. What is it about this heavy drinking, heavy smoking, over-sexed, frequently cursing character that appeals to me? Here's my theory. She is bad. She is really, really bad. She has an angel that follows her around, and when he makes her mad, it's not unusual for her to decide to fling Froot Loops at him with a spoon, or wrestle him, or cuss him out, or whatever. The dude is sent from GOD, and yet she has no issues with telling him where to stuff it!! That's bad!!
Conversely, I am very, very good. I do not drink, or smoke, or curse (often... does "dangit" or "fart" count?) or have sex with men in bar bathroom stalls while people get murdered 3 feet away. My house is immaculate (compared to hers at least). I go to church and read my scriptures and pray and pay my taxes and try to act like a responsible person (90% of the time).
So that's it... I like her because she is so bad that she makes me look like a saint!! My vices - chocolate, and a little too much inappropriate t.v. - are nothing in comparison to this woman who has her own personal angel assigned to follow her around!
That... and I really want to grow up to look like that. Well...grow down, I guess. (I think she's about 5'2".)
Of course, if I were to wake up looking like that tomorrow, no one would know it because my unbelievably ripped biceps would be appropriately contained in a very modest outfit. But it would still ROCK!!
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