Cold Days, Warm Bread

If you have ever baked fresh bread, or walked into a bakery early in the morning, or driven past the Merita factory in Omaha on a cold day, you are probably well aware of the incredible, rich, sweet smell that can only be created when flour and yeast and some form of moisture meet up in a warm environment and start making friends. If you are a carb-aholic, like me, this is the smell of sin itself. But as I try to resist the urge to consume every slice of fresh-baked bread in the house, my mind begins to wander...and wonder... how exactly is it that bread rises? What miracle of science and nature creates those tiny little bubbles in the dough which lift and shape the dough, creating the single most popular and nourishing item of human consumption?

Now, scientists probably have some very concise explanation for this miraculous event, but who needs science when I can create my own explanation? Here goes: yeast are like tiny little sleeping mogwai (remember gremlins?) that only wake up when you get them wet. Then, they eat, like the ravenous little beasts they are, clumps of surrounding dough. As holes are produced in the dough, the yeasty-beasts (that's my own technical terminology) fart - a lot - which fills the holes, creating the lift that separates bread from brick, and makes the amazing scent which carb-aholics like me dream of every night.

So - we're sniffing gremlin farts. If that doesn't help me tackle this low-carb diet, nothing will!